Between the noise of the past and the silence of now, I stand-lonely, healing, and free. Not because it was easy, but because I finally chose me. This apartment is the start of my new beginning!
My new beginning! A beautiful space with three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a kitchen table that finally feels like mine. The walls echo even the simplest words, a reminder of how much space I now have — and how much I’ve left behind.
But getting here wasn’t easy. I hit rock bottom. I live in a beautiful house that I barely can afford, trading fun money for rent and groceries. Every dollar stretched thin, and every choice comes with sacrifice. This is the Cost of Leaving! Now, as I sit in this peaceful home, I can’t help but think about where I came from.
We used to joke that our old house looked like a m*th house — not because it was funny, but because humor made the reality easier to bear. It was so small, the entire house could fit into half of my apartment. One bathroom served four people. The water trickled from the faucets, staining everything a golden brown. The deck was falling apart, the siding was ancient, and the windows were patched with foam. The washer and dryer were in the basement, and the roof shingles hung like tired reminders of things that never got fixed.
And the dishes. I did them by hand, more than once a day, for twenty years. For a family of four — especially with three hungry boys — it felt like I was living just to wash dishes. Now, I have a dishwasher. It takes days to fill since I mostly cook for myself, but I plead to never go back to handwashing again. I’ve cried over dirty dishes more times than I can count.
In that old house, broken things became normal. Promises to fix them came and went, and with each one, a little piece of hope slipped away. I waited for tomorrow, but tomorrow never came.
So now I ask myself:
Was the closeness of family worth the weight of brokenness?
Or is this spacious, quiet home — with echoing walls and empty bedrooms — the better choice?
I wished and dreamed of these amenities for twenty years. But now that I have them, I wonder:
What are they really worth when I’m here alone?
Posted: 8/11/2025
Mom in the Middle: The Cost of Leaving 
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